St. Valentine, Heartbreak, & MAD

Valentine’s Day was another hard day of being a parent but not in the sense that my child was disobedient or that I was left to clean a messy home all by myself… I long for those days now.

No, yesterday was hard on my soul. I was heartbroken to learn that my child has multiple devastating genetic mutatiosn that are partially responsible for her onset of Epilepsy. Two of the mutations are known but confounding and then she has 1 mutation that has not been mapped by science. This leaves us with hardly any answers and lots of new questions particularly regarding her life and longevity.

To learn that a partial source of Scarlett’s issues are not because of the TBI but linked to these genetic mutations was jarring. Our whole life was based on this. Could we have got her help sooner if her previous neurologist and team were more aggressive?

This news broke me down. I was in a tailspin. All the compose I maintain and receive “compliments” on went out the window. I was the very definition of “Hot Mess.”

My heart was broken on Valentine’s Day. St. Valentine, the Patron Saint of Epilepsy.

Irony at it’s finest.

I ugly cried for hours. HOURS. I cried so hard I could hardly open my eyes. I have never cried that hard in my life.

Through the darkness a sliver of hope remained on one of the mutations (the gene that they believe to be the most devastating) was only a single deletion rather and a double deletion- which is considered terminal.

I believe that we have one of the best (if not the best) Epileptologists in the world and after speaking with her she was able to put our mind at ease that our Sweet Girl is an anomaly and not necessarily in a bad way. Yet, she advised us to begin the Modified Atkins Diet (MAD Diet) immediately to help support her mitochondria and hopefully stave off the seizures. We met with a dietitian that same day and began the diet the following day. We were also advised to meet with a Geneticist as well as a doctor that specializes in Mitochondria. Those appointments are pending.

Many people have asked us already, just want exactly is the MAD diet. The MAD diet is basically the “Mainstream” Ketogenic Diet that everyone is on. However, for those with Epilepsy there is a lot more at stake. Meaning, if you, a non-epileptic, fall out of ketosis, the only thing that happens is that you have to work to get yourself back in. If my child falls out of ketosis, she increases her likeliness of a seizure- so not good, right?

So what does this involve? For our sweet girl, strict control of her macros. They don’t joke around either. We had to change more than just her food. Did you know there are carbs in lotion, shampoo, conditioner, deodorant, and toothpaste, just to name a few? Ya… we didn’t either. There is a definite learning curve and I will discuss what we have learned and are doing in another entry.

Thank you for reading.

Milk & Cookies

To sound totally basic, I did a thing.

Well, I, actually, did a few things.

To dive right in. I cannot deny that I am incredibly overweight and I am not fit enough to be the mother I need to be to my Sweet Girl.

I was tired of feeling the way I felt and I wasn’t going to lose the weight from my stress eating without help.

I know that nothing changes, if nothing changes.

So I saw a commercial for this app and signed right up. My cheapass even bought some DNA kit, which, in hindsight, was probably a total waste of money. BUT Sleep-Deprived-2am-Me felt like it was a solid investment.

THEN, because I signed up at 2am, I completely forgot that I signed up. Fast forward a few days and I was like, “why is this company emailing me?” I finally opened the email and was like “DUH! Oh man, I hope I can get my money back.” But then that little voice inside my head, the one I usually leave bound and gagged in a the back of my mind, somehow managed to get the gag loose enough to be like, “Let’s at least try the free trial?”

ANNNNDDD sooooo here I am on Day 3 of an 8 month commitment to lose 80 pounds.

SAY WHAAAAAT???!!!!

Then.

Because I am an all or nothing kind of badass (or moron).

I also signed up to do a Hotworx session. Again, just a free trial because I truly don’t know what I am getting myself into. If I survive, I’ll join.

What’s that saying, “Go big or go home and sit on the couch and eat Milk & Cookies?”

Mmmm Milk & Cookies… Ooops, sorry, where was I?

Saturday at 10am, I will be at Hotworx, in an infrared sauna, doing yoga in 125 degree heat!

TF am I thinking? I can’t even blame that on Sleep-Deprived-2am-Me.

If I survive, I may just write a blog about it. If I was braver, I would make a video- but I am not.

If you have read any of my blogs it has been a rough year+ and there is no doubt that I was eating my feelings. I hate to admit this but I am the heaviest I have ever been.

I have talked to a few different fitness experts/coaches and they want to go balls to the wall and if my daughter didn’t have Epilepsy and I wasn’t fighting depression and PTSD I may have been ready to put my balls to the wall but as it is my balls will remain off the wall.

I am ready to make healthier changes and I believe my WHY is strong enough but I feel that this will have to be a slow journey.

One other thing I agreed to do, I agreed to see a therapist and my first appointment is Thursday.

Again, nothing changes, if nothing changes. I feel that between writing this blog, going to therapy, using this new program, and POSSIBLY attending Hotworx classes that I will find a way to be the full mother-package to my Sweet Girl.

Cheers to change.