It has been a while since I have wanted to sit at my computer and write. I have so many topics running through my head and I can’t really commit to any one. Sometimes the topics sit at the front of my brain begging to be written and yet I silence them.
I have chosen not to write.
In the last 5 weeks, I have had my world turned upside down. It has been hard blow after hard blow.
My daughter developed catamenial epilepsy and between 2 ER visits, a 2-day hospital stay, and multiple doctor visits- insurance doesn’t want to pay because they fail to see how it was a “medical necessity” to stay in the hospital.
I can’t even understand that.
My daughter was admitted by an emergency room doctor who worked with a pediatric neurologist and the insurance said it wasn’t a medical necessity? I don’t get it. But our fucked up medical system isn’t what I want to write about.
After my daughter’s hospital stay, my transmission on my 4 year old car went out (only 81k miles). The day after I got my car back, someone rear-ended me.
Seriously, what the fuck?
I cannot make this stuff up.
If this would have happened to me a few years ago, the old me would not be able to cope. I would be crying wondering why all the bad things are happening to me.
I don’t know when it happened exactly. When I became a person who chooses to look to the positive or to find the lesson learned in the hard times but I am glad I have changed. I am glad that I have learned that despite all the bad things I have many blessings in my life.
When life goes sideways I try to remember all the things I am thankful for. This is not some new piece of advice- I am not reinventing the wheel with some helpful trick to overcome all the bullshit that happens in life but this is what I do and it works. I seriously sit down and list out all the things I have to be thankful for. There is something truly eye opening and humbling when I see how blessed I really am written down in bullet form.
Okay, so bills may be late while we work on a new budget to fit in a new $4.5k transmission rebuild, a $22k 2-day hospital stay, and a $4k 4-hour emergency room visit. At least my daughter is on a treatment plan and I am able to get approval on a small loan to pay off my transmission repairs- some people would be without a car permanently.
Blessings, like beauty, are to the eye of the beholder. Some people count blessings as all the things they have around them, or by the house they live in and the car they drive… and if people feel that those are blessings who am I to judge? However, to me, blessings are the people in my life, my husband, our daughter, my brother and his kids, and I am blessed beyond measure with my circle of friends and family or “framily” as I like to call them.
These are the the people who will read my blogs entries and find the typos for me, the people who will offer to watch my dogs while I am in the hospital, the people who I can call because I am stuck in traffic and I need my daughter picked up by a certain time- who will not only go and pick her up but take her to dinner so she stays on schedule.
The world is full of good and wonderful people and I am BLESSED to know so many of those people.
A few years ago, I was asked the question, “If you died today what would be said about you at your funeral?” I wasn’t entirely sure, some people would say I was a good person but there were definitely people who would say I was a horrible person. I know I am never going to win over the entire population of the world but I for sure know that I want to be remembered as a person who truly cared and a person who helped make her small corner of the world a better place.
Life is hard, it will knock you down if you let it. It would be so easy to let that just happen. But getting up each day and fighting and working hard towards a better life is so much more fulfilling.
To my blessings- my framily. Thank you for all that you do for me and mine and I hope that you all know that I would be there for you as well.
Thanks for reading, Trina